Hot Take: For young singles, leaving the nest may be a 'waste' of money — but that doesn't mean they're failing financially

For young Singaporeans, the Covid-19 pandemic brought on several changes to life as we’d known it. Most learnt to adjust to remote work — some irrevocably so. Many picked up new hobbies and interests that pre-pandemic busyness had kept them from pursuing.

And some realised that they just can’t live at home anymore. 

This week, TODAY’s mental health series Gen Zen explored the difficult dilemmas young singles face in deciding whether or not to move out of their family homes due to strained relations. 

Youths and mental health experts weighed in on how living independently can affect one’s well-being in both positive and negative ways: No one to bug you with endless nagging and questions, thumbs up! No one to help you with housework and chores, thumbs down. 

Given that young singles choosing to move out has long been a contentious topic in Singapore, perhaps it’s only natural that the column sparked a debate from readers and other members of the public.

NO MONEY, NO TALK

Despite the mental health benefits laid out by both this piece as well as many others already published on the subject in recent years, many felt that for young Singaporeans, the cons of moving out still far outweigh the pros.

Let’s be real, these people said, there’s no way any amount of mental or emotional gain can make the financial cost of living independently worth it — especially as this cost continues to climb amid economic squeezes and pressures.

Even if you manage to make enough to afford rent, said these dissenters, you may not actually be ridding yourself of the stresses that accompany living at home.

They pointed out that in your desperation to escape friction or tension with your family, you could end up saddled with bad housemates or, even worse, a “nightmare” landlord. Same problem, different roof.

All in all, this camp advised: Don’t make the mistake of giving up long-term financial gains for short-term peace of mind.

IT’S MY LIFE (AND IT’S NOW OR NEVER)

Even so, many others stood by the intangible benefits of living away from one’s family.

It’s not only about getting away from unhealthy or toxic situations, many said, but to gain some healthy growth and independence that would better prepare and ease one into full adulthood.

A few rebutted the potential problem of difficult roommates or landlords by highlighting that such situations are useful opportunities for acquiring and practising various skills required for living harmoniously with others — undoubtedly valuable knowledge for Singaporeans, given the way our country’s land constraints require most of us to live in close quarters. 

Some shared how moving out early had greased the wheels on their progression into living with their current partners or spouses.

Several added that living away from one’s family also makes it easier to have a love life — an unquestionable boon for Singapore, surely, given youths’ rising rates of singlehood and the downward slide of our birth rate.

MENTAL CALCULATIONS

Moving out is a big change for anyone at any stage of life. For this — and for any other major decision, really — the scale on which we balance the pros and cons aren’t weighted the same way for everyone. 

For some, the benefits of moving out far outstrip the costs. For others, the price of freedom and independence will never be justified. 

Even so, why do we feel the need to judge others for how they choose to manage their own money, as well as their mental and emotional well-being?

One Reddit user, AivernT, put this forth as the underlying “crux” of the entire debate: “We are so conditioned to hyper-optimise our finances to hit every milestone that any deviation appears to be considered a failure.”

From this perspective, what we’re really worried about isn’t numbers in bank accounts. It’s about how we internalise our fellow Singaporeans choosing to make what we personally perceive to be a mistake — choosing “failure”.

But why is this such a sensitive trigger for us?

Singaporeans are well conditioned to avoid and guard against failure. As a small nation with grand ambitions and limited resources, we haven’t had much chance to enjoy a large margin for error, historically speaking. 

But now, nearly six decades into independence, our countless achievements speak for themselves. Singapore’s rise-and-grind culture has also earned us a global reputation for unparalleled hustlerdom. 

Perhaps we’ve done more than enough to earn ourselves a little breathing room. Some space to take a step back instead of letting all that conditioning prod us into deploring each other’s individual decisions, even when we don’t personally agree with the logic behind each one.

Retooling the overwhelming instinct to avoid failure at all costs starts with retooling our understanding of what “failure” even is. 

A couple of responses offered up a new lens through which to calculate the cost-benefit analysis of moving out: Improving one's mental health environment may be a boost to one’s ability to perform far better in the workplace — which, in turn, could drastically improve one’s financial prospects. 

To one person, renting may be “throwing away money”. To another, it could be a crucial investment not only in their current well-being, but also their future growth. 

Of course, it’s still important to make wise decisions in life — keeping in mind that “wise” may look different for each one of us. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Melissa Lee Suppiah is a deputy editor at TODAY where she oversees commentaries.